Rick Santorum calling himself athiest, Liberal-indoctrinated, and, *gasp* educated.

The original delicious video of Mr. Rick Santorum taking it to President Obama and the education of Americans is terrifyingly real.

Mr. Santorum is outraged! He can’t believe that President Obama is encouraging everybody in America to go to college! How dare President Obama encourage and help those who wish to experience higher education!

All indignant and ruffled feathers, Mr. Santorum squeaks, “there are good decent men and women who work hard every day and put their skills to test that aren’t taught by some liberal college professor trying to indoctrinate them.”

All of Mr. Santorum’s statements make me wonder if he has ever actually talked to any “good decent men and women” who, presumably, do not have the benefit of post-high school education and who are working hard, using their hands, “putting their skills to test.” Even if he has spoken with these good decent men and women, I wonder if he truly listened.

In my narrow experience of the world, the news, and indoctrination at the hands of dangerous and demented liberal professors at university, The only stories across which I have come are parents working hard to provide to their children what they themselves were not able to have: the opportunity to succeed through education. These parent, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and other caregivers want the most for their children – they want college education, secure jobs, and stability. 

Colbert summed it up perfectly when he said, “Rick Santorum understands the real American dream: if you work hard enough, your children can have fewer opportunities than you did.”

But enough about those people - let's get it back to The Realness: Mr. Santorum himself.

Mr. Santorum continues, “Not all folks are gifted in the same way. Some people have incredible gifts with their hands...there are good decent men and women who go out and work hard every day and put their skills to test that aren’t taught by some liberal college professor trying to indoctrinate them."

As a good, God-fearing, Catholic man, how do you explain your magical ability to emerge from obtaining your 3 higher education degrees (Bachelors, MBA, J.S. Law) unscathed, un-Liberalized, un-indoctrinated, and still American? Did you wear a religious chastity belt? Did only you buy textbooks endorsed by the Catholic Church? Did you clench your values in a death grip? (Maybe that’s why they’re a little brain-dead. But what do I know? I’m not a doctor.) You are a miracle – may we worship you? I know you'd love it, but I fear it might go against your religion.

Listening and watching Mr. Santorum try to explain his logic, his views, and his thinking is confusing, dizzying, and may induce me, if I choose to remain on this zany ride (dare I say it?) to “throw up." (Too bad it would be real throw up, versus Mr. Santorum's word vomit.)

Mr. Santorum states that college educated individuals and those who believe in its value are snobs, Atheists, and un-American. But wait – don’t be hasty and jump on his bandwagon yet – there’s more! He also contradictorily believes that every person should have the opportunity to go gain a higher education.

In an all or nothing but maybe a little bit of everything approach, Mr. Santorum presents some pretty interesting options. Option 1: get an higher education to help the United States improve economically, technologically, and in numerous other “-ically” ways but be branded as a snob, Atheist, and un-American; or option 2: be a true Christian American, eschew, condemn, and ostracize higher education and those who choose to follow that track, be paid less, face a greater chance of unemployment, rely upon the charity of the federal government (which you ironically don’t think should exist), and live an embittered life believing that the world has done you wrong on so many vicious levels.

Unfortunately, he also believes that once the individual obtains that higher education, he or she immediately becomes a snob, an Atheist, and un-American.

Mr. Santorum also dropped a little tidbit (see 2:19) about his own family. When asked if he encourages his own children to go to college, Mr. Santorum eagerly said, “I encourage my kids to get higher education, absolutely.” He goes on to say that some of his 7 children would do well in college, but some wouldn’t. So does he think that some of his children are snobs, weaklings, heathens, and (trump card!) un-American? And if they are, what kind of strong Christian American parent are you to raise your children thus? (Assuming your helped raise your kids.) Tsk tsk. And I called you an educated miracle. What a bummer. All that money, all that time, all that effort, and all you get to do is be educated, rich, and on national television condemning the education that got you to where you are.

I just have one last question before I leave Mr. Santorum to his dizzying scary-merry-go-round of “theology:” wasn’t the last time aspects of education were deemed as elitist during the Cultural Revolution in Communist China? Oopsies.